A groovy kind of life
by marshymellowmonster
Summary: a kind of character study mixed with crack fic for Kristine Kochanski. Written for a friend in less than a hour to see if I could do it. Please read and review. It's just a normal day on Red Dwarf for Kochanski and she's thinking about life. set post series eight but before Back to Earth. With all the boys making at least cameo roles.


_A/N - originally not written to be a one-shot but I couldn't find a decent cliff hanger ending and I wanted to leave it open. Written for a friend. We were bored and had a free period so we both wrote a story for the prompt "character study with crack elements" so there is a new Glee fic with a similar prompt as well. Disclaimer- I don't own anything recognisable. I only own a red arrows t-shirt and a wish to a Vauxhall Nova because it's a space related car. _

Kristine Zoe Kochanski didn't ask for much in life, not that she could get anything even if she did. She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, used to expect everything she wanted to arrive when she wanted it, but hadn't been like that for years. Making do on simple pleasures was very normal for her now even if she didn't enjoy it. This was from circumstance rather than design however because there are never man luxuries on space craft, especially ones where the only other crew members were a super-evolved cat, a deranged robot, the universe's biggest space bum and the hologram of a complete coward who had somehow died saving them.

She hated life on this ship. She found herself unconsciously comparing this dimension's Starbug and hers and found this one severely lacking. Whenever she saw Cat, Kryten and Lister she was haunted by her own versions, who were so very different to these ones. The Cat in her dimension was just as vain as this one but was also more intelligent, she could have a proper conversation in her dimension. Still, she had managed to build a casual friendship with him, even if it was threatened frequently by invitations to "shack up" with him. Talking with Kryten made her wince, he hated her and she didn't know why, it hurt because she had repaired the one in her dimension herself- they were the best of friends. Dave was the worst though- to see him back the way he was before, so completely different, a shadow of the man she had turned him into in her own universe and he didn't want to change.

Ironically it turned out that the only person who didn't seem a ghost to her was the one that was. She and Rimmer, through sheer force of will of her part to get through his aloof exterior, had formed a close friendship. Though she didn't really know her dimension's Rimmer that well she could tell this version was completely different. Being a hologram had changed him slightly from the weasel she knew on Floor 13 but according to the others this was it had been like before her time with the last one. There was apparently another hologram Rimmer from this dimension swanning around "being Ace" whatever that meant. Apparently this Ace constantly bedded princesses, though she laughed at this. First, Rimmer in any form attractive? The mind boggled. Secondly her friendship made her party to information about Rimmer that meant she knew that any one from this dimension would not bed princesses. She was shocked when he admitted it, but it did answer a lot of questions. Rimmer, at least the one in this dimension had only ever slept with one person, and contrary to popular belief and what he told people, it wasn't_ Yvonne _McGruder. It was her husband Norman, though it was true _she _was concussed at the time. And when she thought back to her dimension's version, the secret fit there as well. It looked like she had found one constant at least. She couldn't blame him for hiding it though, because Astros were notoriously homophobic and also because from what she'd heard about certain hidden desires of his from Lister (what he called the 'Lows') he'd be breaking uniform regulations-even if he could find women's gear for someone 6 foot 4.

Tonight she, Rimmer and Cat were having what was basically a slumber party. Lister was busy fixing Kryten whose head had exploded when he'd found the salad cream not in his usual position. Not wanting to make the situation any worse when the mechanoid was rebooted, Lister had banned her from watching and the others joined her so she didn't feel lonely. Now they were sharing secrets aided by copious amounts of alcohol. To be fair Rimmer had only had two cans of lager but apparently holograms reacted differently to alcohol and had a low tolerance to alcohol in the first place. They'd had a chugging competition which Rimmer had won, her second and the Cat last. Somehow he'd managed to get the can down in 6 seconds though she called unfair advantage because he didn't have to try and breathe at the same time. Now however they were having a laugh armed with their food of choice, her with a family size pot of cottage cheese and pineapple chunks, Rimmer with a truly massive pot of hologrammatic ice cream (she knew full well he was teasing her with the fact it was almost impossible for holograms to gain significant amounts of weight without manipulating the software that controlled his appearance, and the last time she had tried that as a prank she'd accidently made him green with a purple Mohawk that scared Lister silly) and the cat with about ten containers of Chicken Marengo.

The next morning was unusual in that Lister was the only one without a hangover. They hadn't got drunk for a while. Cat was speaking like a normal person unable to take his own screeching voice, Kochanski had hidden herself in the soundproofed rubber room in the medibay and Rimmer had taken two aspirin and then switched himself off voluntarily for the next twelve hours. Lister took the opportunity to finish off the rest of the six pack and then review the security tapes falling of the chair laughter with amazing regularity at what they were saying. Then he went off to fix Kryten who final woke up again mid-tirade about salad cream and who, if Lister hadn't pressed the button to reset when he did would have blown up his head once again.

When Kochanski emerged from her requisitioned quarters she found cat still moving slightly carefully but talking normally, Rimmer mid start-up procedure the hovering light bee in a transparent and still incorporeal likeness, the neurosis was still loading so it would be a couple of hours yet. Kochanski herself still felt like she had a skunk on her tongue but she was getting better. Maybe she could cope without the silver spoon life, without _her _boys but she would sill really miss them. And she still did want off the stupid ship.

_A/N-_ _please take a second to review maties. _


End file.
